You Must Have A Plan, God ✨🌸❤️‍🩹

I started my journey because it was brought to my attention that I struggled with mental illness. I took off with fire and was helping many people. Then life happened more and more. Many times I feel so helpless, stuck, sad, and so much mental pain.

I've reached out for help many times to paid professionals and really haven't seen the help that I need that matched my litteral conditions.

I'm crying as I type, but deep down I know Jesus is with me as I type and cry these things out of me.

Lord? You must have a plan?! I know you have a plan for me. I walk in strength, I walk by faith. And I am also growing weary. Please fill me up with you in every place I am weak.

My flesh wants to give up. And I'm tired and I'm feeling used and abused by this world. I feel like I was captive and held against my will. It's scary and it's dark. And my mind is being attacked. Kicked and tormented.

I don't want to show up tomorrow. I want to give up. I want to dig a hole and cover myself with the dirt. I want to lay with Jesus until it's safe for me.

Jesus, I know you are with me. I know you love me and you say this pain is only temporary. I trust you and I hug you and I kiss you and I breath in. And out.

I know the devil is near because he brings words when he comes to me. He's brought hate with him because suddenly I feel things inside of me that I'm "supposed" to hate in this moment. I don't want to hate those things. I don't want to hate anything.

Lord, I want to trust you. I want to love you more than anything else in this world.

I feel like no matter what I do, I'm not good enough. But how is that true when I am good at everything I do? The devil try to trick my mind. I could be the bestest one and he'd still make me see the illusion of failure.

I trust you Jesus because I know you will still use his tricks for my good, and the good of your kingdom. I just have to endure these temporary emotions on how these fails make me feel. Even when they are bigger than me.

Like when all my parents died, I felt like a failure because I tried to hard to be a great child to them, to love them real good. And all I can do is have dead parents. That hurts my heart.

When my marriage died, I was trying my best to be a great wife. I loved him the best and the devil made it fail.

I took great care of my dogs the best way I could, and the devil killed them too.

Jesus YOU MUST HAVE A PLAN!!!

Please let my beliefs be true that you are the God of ALL creations.

My job don't understand... I shouldn't even have to get up and still go to work. My mind hurts too bad. I hate seeing peoples face and hearing their voices.

I try to be nice, but please Jesus tell me... what about me? What do I do?

I repent of all my sins in any and all of these areas of my life. I forgive everybody who have sinned against me. I send love and kisses to my parents, dogs, and ex husband. Lord I ask you to please forgive them all. Forgive the entire bloodline of my family for their sins. I use the words giving to me by Jesus to come out of agreement with the devil and anything he has brought me. I release it. I throw it down to the ground.

I trust you Lord Jesus and I move on your command. What do I do?

I am happy to know that with you God, there is no pain or sorrow & I feel your coverage over me. I am happy and I release my anxieties on to you lord.

Have your way with my job, family, mind, heart, body, soul, and spirit.

I give it all to you. You must have a plan.