Heart To Heart With God 📖❤️‍🩹

It's getting personal, deep, and down to the nitty gritty to the BoNe!!!

The other day I was thinking and having a conversation with God. And then I started to feel a sense of bitterness inside of me.

Asking things like why are things not looking a specific way that I want it to look for my life? What do I ever receive from GOD while being a loyal servant of his all this time?

I'm very open and honest and I share my journey of life with many.

All my parents have passed away by the time I'm 27 years of age. I truly loved my husband but I had to make a best decision to divorce him. And the 2 dogs I brought into the marriage died around the time of my mothers death & divorce. I've lost a lot of friends and I've been dealing with mental illness almost my whole life.

So I'm telling God, I been loved you and believed in you. And now I'm asking , what have you truly done for me? You say you sent your only son for me... am I not your daughter? I am truly looking and searching for my Heavenly Father to help me, love me, and take care of me. But am I making up this love in my own head?

God I'm enduring everyday of life with a hope, a wing, and a prayer of belief.

I was scripted of everything I loved and forced to have a new life just because life is constantly evolving. And now I'm supposed to trust that you have helped me to get this new life and that you won't take this life too? God I've always loved you with my heart since I was a child. I may have fell away from your understanding, but that's because people are supposed to teach me more who you are.... or you!

I can't do every single thing in this world by myself. When I need a moment to rest my mind, it's time to go to work and I'm in mental pain and agony because I have to pay bills and live.

Jesus! I'm here. I been here... I'm just waiting for God. I had lost my mind and couldn't even read again, I had to learn everything new all over.

I'm even here giving you my burdens because I can't hold these things in my heart. It came to me suddenly and I have no where to put these things. I don't have enough pockets or space in my mind because I'm too busy trying to figure out what to do with the old thoughts.

Father please, take my water and turn it into wine.

You've helped me, but please help me some more. I'm not a wicked person who can commit harm, or sin knowingly and shrug my shoulders!!! And that's been a thing that gives people advantages over me. They can see my hurt so they think they are bigger and better than me. But I don't care because anybody can sin but I never want to be something I'm not created to be.

When I was divorcing my husband, they mocked me. They laughed at me. They criticized me. They judged me.

Before I was getting a divorce, my husband laughed, mocked, and criticized me for believing in you the way that I do. For believing in myself the way I do.

Lord, you've seen everything has been so tough for me. The enemy twisted everything in my mind and in my life.

God I want you to fix everything for me. I know you can do it. Get me out of this world and put me in the place that you have with my name on it!! I know you have a life assigned to my name. Many blessings are mine.

There is nothing I'm holding on to physically, mentally, or emotionally because I gave it all to you. Even the things that was taken from me, I release my burdens of worry, hurt, anger, and resentment to you.

You saw me many times I wanted to curse the world and die. God, I'm yearning for life with you. Jesus, take my hand please and get me outta here. Take me to where I am making you, Our Father, and my parents proud.

Make the images of my past stop replaying in my head and make the dreams of my past go away. Devil, GET out of my mind!!!!! Lord, it was meant for my past to be my past. I can't have guilt because I didn't do anything. The enemy is sick and perverted. His illusions twisted my happy world. Now he tried to leave me with guilt that "Maybe I should have.. this or that..." No!! I've done all I could in Jesus Name. I was truth.

And I release. I let go. God, you have my things and I do trust that you give me all that I need when I need it. You are the comfort to me mind. Even while my parents are sleep in death. You are the beginning and the end. Here is my things, please bless my things. Bless my mind, heart, body, soul, and spirit. I AM Your child. You are My God.

I love you so much in Jesus Christ, Amen.