Dear Secret Me… 📝📓

I realize that I am a growing human!! I have so many things to share because I want to say these things that I learn out side of myself!

I am feeling something slightly new. I am normally an open book with anyone around me, and by choice.

However, I'm feeling ways that I don't want to verbalize outside of myself. Or at least to anyone specific. When my life changes, there are things that I've had with my life years ago, that I don't think ive fully adjusted to... like my financial, mental, and emotional state.

My physical state is the easiest to accept. Because I see what I see and I know what I know. Like I am who I am and this is what I look like. My parents are passed away, and I know that because I've seen them die and I haven't seen them in over years. As well as, I am divorced and I know that because I went through the process.... my dogs passed away and I know because I don't see them. So many pieces of myself left with all of these things.... so I have been redefining myself.

I know I take so long to say all that is inside of me.... I used to be at blame for not answering the questions because they wanted my words to be faster and shorty. I had no patience from others in who I am/ was in my past life... but that is why this is my very own personal safe space for myself..... here it is now.

I remember sharing my insides to people who were only around to destroy me at the end.... no matter how much I loved them and genuinely would have already given my life for them. They didn't have to deliberately hurt me. I would have and actually did inflict pain on myself to attempt to match the internal pain of the situations.

I am doing so much self reflections and although I am near to peace, I am feeling a since of, cherishing to my internal life.

I have to protect all the life inside of myself with my external being. This means my actions, my decisions, and my words... including my thoughts, forgiveness, and the ways of my heart.

I feel that I am so good. And there are things that try to contaminate my character or my self. And I am a bit afraid to give myself to anything outside of myself.

The only problem is, this world has to be lived by us all. And I am the main character in my life. There is so much life inside of me that only I can birth and nurture. No matter who hurt me or no matter who / what dies in my world.

God I want you to please help me to continue moving forward in life. Help me to complete the things that I start. Help me to be even more confident in being your child and belonging in side of you. I know my journey is just from me to you and you do the rest of what needs to be done. So please give me grace, encouragement, joy, strength, acceptance, love, and accountability to make changes within mysef to have guidance, wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and courage to follow your word no matter what it looks like in my life. I want to trust you and the things you give me, but it is hard. Please be with me Jesus, with truth and honor so that I know I am firmly planted and the things blossoming is from the Kingdom of Heaven.

In Jesus name I pray. Amen ❤️‍🩹