Day 27 Of My 40 Day Fast 👑😇🫸🏽🌎✨💪🏽💖

On today, and on most or everyday, I woke up in prayer. I read my Bible and wrote around 1 am- 4 am.

At this point I look for as many ways as I can to express to Jesus with my self, my love and thankfulness to him and Our Heavenly Father. I am on day 27 out of 40 days of my fast. Some sweets are desirable to my flesh but my conscious mind is so aware that I am nothing with out Jesus so while I am in Jesus Hands right now in the spirit, I don't even need anything else of this world.

I used to crave love, sex, alcohol, weed, and other pill drugs to make my body feel good. I have left all of those false Loves. And I realize, I probably drink coffee everyday for the past year. I know God is breaking things off of me. My mind, my heart, and my bloodline. Even if I'm not clear what at this moment, His Will provides me with all that I need.

I mentioned how I seeked love. I didn't know I was seeking it, because there was always somebody right there who wanted to love me so bad. I had options everytime I freed up from relationship, somebody else came next. I realized I was looking because I needed them to be a specific way for me and they never were.

Then I started facing small forms of abuse physically, mentally, and emotionally.

None of them were ever what I needed or really wanted so it was easy for me to understand that that my home was not with in none of them people (including thoughts and opinions of others), places (my job I been at for 10 years or my household growing up) or things (drugs, sex, or any materials of the world).

By the age of 23, I didn't want to live anymore and tried to commit suicide because this word was not for me. I didn't fit to it and I couldn't agree with the norms of society. I knew who I was deep down. I knew what I deserved deep down. And I knew I was being attacked spiritually because I was able to see these things when I was smaller and now. When I was a kid, I used to ask God can I please help Find missing people, or find people who died but are lost.

Now that I look back on it. I have died many times and have had to help and trust God to find myself over and over. One thing I know now is the pattern of life is so unique just like our finger prints. And I ask Jesus to please help me to follow him and to walk with him not just through my fast. But through my mind, my heart, and through my feet on this earth, and through my spirit through the nations of the earth each day. Life.

On my momma, am so happy to be with Jesus, I don't need another soul unless Jesus Himself is present with them.

That being said, my mentality is stronger than I knew and this fast is so easy because I have nothing to lose but everything to gain because Jesus is Everything. I am only here because of Jesus.

I give him my mind, my heart, my body, my emotions, my desires, my lust, as well as any other sexual perversions I've collected over the years. When I feel like I want sex, I even have to call on Jesus and ask him to help me to feel and understand the sexual voids or desires that I created or was created with.

This whole life of mine is a process. But I'm so happy that I chose the King of kings, the Lord of lords, and the God of gods to do this with. When I tried walking with man, they just didn't understand..

Now, Jesus lives through a few people in my life who truly understands and their feet are planted in God's grace preparing to match with Christ and by my side too!!!

Thank you Lord. You are My God.

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